Vandamonium’s Weblog
No matter where you go, there you are.Archive for time waster
If you are here you might as well check it out!!!!!!
Pick the month you were born
Jan – I ate
Feb – I banged
Mar – I ran naked with
April – I smoked with
May – I ran shirtless with
June – I beat
July – I cuddled with
Aug – I needed
Sept – I shot
Oct – I shanked
Nov – I stabbed
Dec – I slept with
Pick the day (number) you were born on
01 – my lover
02 – a dog
03 – homer
04 – A homo
05 – a condom
06 – A toothbrush
07 – a hippie
08 – a glass of milk
09 – a porn star
10 – Paris Hilton
11 – the trojan man
12 – a teletubby
13 – the kool-aid man
14 – some crack heads
15 – an easter egg
16 – a pot head
17 – a bum
18 – a stripper
19 – a horse
20 – a homeless guy
21 – a drink
22 – my best friend
23 – the cookie monster
24 – my boy friend
25 – a bowl of cereal
26 – a golf ball
27 – a bag of weed
28 – a french fry
29 – your mom
30 – your grandma
31 – a mop
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing
White – because hoes keep stealing my tacos
Black – because I’m sexy like that
Pink – Because I’m good in bed
Red – because I have AMAZING boobs
Brown- because I had to
Polka Dots – because I hate my life
Purple – because I’m gay
Gray – because I love marijuana
Other -because I have double D’ s
Green – because I love to snort cocaine.
Orange – because I smoked crack
Turquoise – because I have a noodle in my nose
Blue – because I’m a pimp
Shirtless – because I’ve got abs
Yellow – because I didn’t like the way he/she looked at me
Gold- because the people in my head were banging
Tan- because I’m a soldier boy/girl
Post Your results in the comments.
Every Family Has One
The Cyclops Uncle in Our Family
Every Family Has one of those Uncles and I’m it in my
Family……………………….
Like this:
Test To See If Your Marijuana Is Flushed Properly – StumbleUpon
Test To See If Your Marijuana Is Flushed Properly – StumbleUpon.
WAKE UP AMERICA !!!! FYI
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Like this:
Cowboy Rules
It’s Been Awhile!
It sure has been a while since I have posted anything here. Some may know and this may be news to others. I am a retired GySgt from the USMC and my medical care comes from the VA system. Well long story short because of Hep C and a shot liver I am in a rehab (90 days) program in the VA hospital up in Temple, Texas. For this 90 day program I have now been here almost 140 days granted I am getting medical care at the main hospital while I am here and I don’t have to travel all the way to San Antonio for doctor appointments but I can’t help but make the following statements and inform you the general public what is going on here.
I recently either read somewhere or heard somewhere in the paper or on the news all this money the Obama organization had given the VA system. Well, I’m here to tell you what I SEE them doing with that money. Remember I have already said that the VA system has been giving me good health care.. on that note. They have just installed an extensive Wireless system throughout the whole Domicilliary (DOM as it’s called) however, there is no indication and I was even told by one of the installers that it is not for our use but will be for staff only. I can only surmise that they are probably going to take the clipboards away from the nurses that do bed checks at midnight and give them PDAs or something like that. If it’s there, why can’t WE use it. I have my Clearwire connection that works here just as well as home but there are other residents that have no connection at all, PLUS the hallways around here in the DOM are full of brand new furniture, Desks, Cabinets, Credenzas, etc.. They are going into all of the office spaces where in some cases they are replacing furniture that was just installed last year. So, in a nutshell, that is what I see them doing with all the millions of dollars that the VA health care system received under the OBAMA administration. What’s an old GySgt to do but kick back and sigh!
SHARING IN A MARRIAGE
The “Sharing” in a MARRIAGE….
The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one
half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles
and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down
between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people
around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple – all they can afford is
one meal for the two of them.’
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely
offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were
just fine – they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping
the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal
for them. This time the old woman said ‘No, thank you, we are used to
sharing everything.’
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the
napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to
eat a single bite of food and asked ‘What is it you are waiting for?’
She answered……
(Continue BELOW….. This is great)
‘THE TEETH…..’
Mothers day.
STEAL THIS AND SEND IT TO YOUR MOTHER
Real Mothers don’t eat quiche;
they don’t have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough
doesn’t come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don’t want to know what
the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask ‘Why me?’
and get their answer when a little
voice says, ‘Because I love you best.’
Real Mothers know that a child’s growth
is not measured by height or years or grade….
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother…
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE – My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE – My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE – My Mother doesn’t really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE – Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE – Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE – That old woman? She’s way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE – Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE – Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE – Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE – Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure
that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Please send this to 5 Mom’s today..
If you don’t, nothing bad will happen,
but if you do, something good will:
You will boost a Mother’s spirits..
Points to Ponder
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you’re naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memorium With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
When you work here, you can name your own salary.
I named mine, “Fred”.
money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.
Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don’t sweat the petty things. Don’t pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I FOUND JESUS! He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana
