– Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
– You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
– You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
– Your favorite version of “A Christmas Carol” stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton.
– Your favorite version of “Babes in Toyland” stars Michael Jackson.
– Your favorite version of “The Nutcracker” stars Andrew Golata.
– You get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night.
– You give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
– Your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
– Your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.
– Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
– You think “Ho, Ho, Ho” is a line from a Rocky movie.
– Your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
– You use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
– Your favorite version of “Silent Night” is sung by OJ Simpson.
– Your favorite version of “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” is sung by the KKK choir.
– Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.