Vandamonium’s Weblog

No matter where you go, there you are.

Archive for April, 2011

WAKE UP AMERICA !!!! FYI


 

What the #@%& is wrong???


WAKE UP AMERICA !!!!

Tuesday’s Daily Bulletin paper, ran two articles on the front page side by side :

1- Calif ‘s 20 Billion Dollar Budget Deficit 

2- The Calif Supreme Court rulingthat ILLEGALS can attend college and get benefits. 

Why don’t they just deport them when they arrive to register?

3- Last year they ran an article on the yearly costs to Calif Taxpayers from Illegals using Hospital Emergency Rooms for their general health care – At just one hospital the cost to tax payers totaled over 25  million a year  
Someone please tell me what the HELL’s wrong with all the people that run this country!!!!!!
We’re “broke” & can’t help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,???????????
In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , and Turkey . And now Pakistan…..home of bin Laden.  Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!
Our retired seniors living on a ‘fixed income’ receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$$’s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!
They call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when its time for us to collect, the government is running out of money. Why did the government borrow from it in the first place?  We have hundreds ofadoptable children who are shoved aside to make room for the adoption of foreign orphans. 

AMERICA: a country where we have homeless without shelter,  children going to bed hungry, elderly going without ‘needed’ meds, and mentally ill without treatment -etc,etc. 
YET…………………
They have a ‘Benefit’  for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations, ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents clothes, bedd ing, doctors and medical supplies.

Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave ‘US’ the same support they give to other countries. 
Sad isn’t it?
99% of people won’t have the guts to forward this. 
I’m one of the 1% — I Just Did

Congressional Reform Act of 2011


Congressional Reform Act of 2011
It is time. If you agree send it to 20 people good and true. If you
disagree, please delete it. Thanks.

The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote for 18 year-olds) took
only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified! Why? Simple! The people
demanded it. That was in 1971…before computers, before e-mail, before
cell phones, etc.

Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took 1 year or less
to become the law of the land…all because of public pressure..

I’m asking each addressee to forward this email to a minimum of twenty
people on their address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise.

In three days, most people in The United States of America will have the
message. This is one idea that really should be passed around.

Congressional Reform Act of 2011

1. Term Limits.

12 years only, one of the possible options below..

A. Two Six-year Senate terms
B. Six Two-year House terms
C. One Six-year Senate term and three Two-Year House terms

2. No Tenure / No Pension.

A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when
they are out of office.

3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social
Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social
Security system, and Congress participates with the American people.

4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all
Americans do.

5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional
pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

6. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in
the same health care system as the American people.

7. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American
people.

8. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective
1/1/12.

The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen.
Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers
envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(S), then
go home and back to work.

If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will only
take three days for most people (in the U.S. ) to receive the message.
Maybe it is time.

THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!!!!!
If you agree with the above, pass it on. If not, just delete

You are one of my 20+.
Please keep it going.

The Second Funeral!


A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear
a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again
carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door,
the husband cries out, ‘Watch that wall!’

Fun Activities for Kids


Get the kids away from the video games with these great things to do, hey, maybe just get away from facebook or whatever and try them out yourself, might find something interesting!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/topic/35609/activities_for_kids.html?cat=25

Unbaked Yeast Rolls


From an email sent to me from my Mom!

Those of you who have animals will probably appreciate this the most. It is a story that is hilarious in itself and the person who wrote it is a good writer and made the story even better. Enjoy…

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper.  He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies.  He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline,’ I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit, including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights.  The new door cost over $200.  But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house.  Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.


I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly.  It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed eveningto reheat Thurs am.  Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor.  Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours.  Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.  The rolls were ready to go in the oven.


It was 8:30 PM.  When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock, one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty.  I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality.  He literally wobbled over to me.  He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur.  He groaned when he walked.  I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet.  After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be okay; however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.  God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick.  Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink.  He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.


We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing, put the dog out to relieve himself.  Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave.  He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking, his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time.  When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.  I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours, and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.


Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive).  Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don’t believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP.  These burps were pure Old Charter.  They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station.  But that’s not the worst of it.


Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls.  God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth!  We endured this for the entire trip to Karen’s, thankful she didn’t live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister’s garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day.  The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper’s latest endeavor to walk without running into something.  Of course, as the old adage goes, ‘what goes in must come out’ and Jasper was no exception.


Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine.  I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen’s house.  Having discovered his ‘packages’ on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.


This was another naive decision on our part.  The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose.  It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.


We finally tried to remove it with a shovel.  I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor.  And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.


Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry’s sister’s house.


I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament.  He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor.  None the worse for wear I presume.  I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.


It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.  Now, I’m doing research on the computer as to:  ‘How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.’
And how was your day?


Cowboy Rules


Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, Oregon and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.
3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That’s why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah … We don’t care what you folks in   Cincinnati  call that stuff you eat… IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won’t get it, but we’re friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
And there is more………….
The Cowboy Solution to save Gasoline.
OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use…..
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down…..
Bring our troops home from   Afghanistan  to guard the borders….
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to   Afghanistan ….
Tell him if he wants to come to   AMERICA  then he must serve a tour in OUR military….
Give him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it……
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country…..
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident…..
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in   Afghanistan  and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.. …….
If they refuse to serve, ship them to   Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved…..
If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends………..

Just A Dog


Just A Dog.

%d bloggers like this: