Vandamonium’s Weblog
No matter where you go, there you are.Archive for jokes
Every Family Has One
The Cyclops Uncle in Our Family
Every Family Has one of those Uncles and I’m it in my
Family……………………….
Why Christmas Trees are Better Than Women/Men
WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
– When you dress it up with silver and gold, it doesn’t look like a cheap hooker.
– A Christmas tree will never complain if you compare it to another bush.
– A Christmas tree will stay up late, watch a porno with you, and won’t say, “Hey, look at the size of that one … I didn’t know they made ‘em that big!”
Christmas Jokes – Uses For Christmas Fruitcakes
Uses For Christmas Fruitcake
1. Bury them in the back yard for future archaeologists to discover.
2. Give them to your son for a science project
3. Hang on to it to find out if there REALLY is more than one Fruitcake that’s making it’s rounds every year.
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Psychiatric Christmas Carols
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are
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Only in America
1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
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Talking Dog For Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back
yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies.
You Might Be a 80s-90’s Kid If…..
You’re an 80’s-90’s kid if:
You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word “psyche! (changed from sike to psyche! – Thank god for online editors)
You can sing the rap to “The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air”
You remember when Kurt Cobain, Tupac, River Phoenix, and Selena died.
Interesting Observation
1. The sport of choice for the Urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4.. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And……..
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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