Vandamonium’s Weblog

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Archive for jokes

Every Family Has One


The Cyclops Uncle in Our Family

Every Family Has one of those Uncles and I’m it in my

Family……………………….

Why Christmas Trees are Better Than Women/Men


WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
– When you dress it up with silver and gold, it doesn’t look like a cheap hooker.
– A Christmas tree will never complain if you compare it to another bush.
– A Christmas tree will stay up late, watch a porno with you, and won’t say, “Hey, look at the size of that one … I didn’t know they made ‘em that big!”

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Christmas Jokes – Uses For Christmas Fruitcakes


Uses For Christmas Fruitcake

1. Bury them in the back yard for future archaeologists to discover.

2. Give them to your son for a science project

3. Hang on to it to find out if there REALLY is more than one Fruitcake that’s making it’s rounds every year.
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Psychiatric Christmas Carols


Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are
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Only in America


1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while         healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
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You Might Be a Scrooge If:


– Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.

– You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.

– You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.

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Talking Dog For Sale


A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in

front of a broken down shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back

yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador

retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies.

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